Music to my Ears

Once upon a time, there was a song, that during my break up and divorce from my ex-husband had great impact with me. If it was possible to wear a CD out, I would have. At the time hearing the song, listening to the words healed and comforted me. Then some where around repeat # 2465 I was over it. Repeat that... OVER.....IT!!!!! My head was ready to move on my heart followed soon after. In fact after that, I couldn't listen to the song again without getting a little sick to my stomach. Not over the divorce, but over the pity party I seemed to have thrown myself by allowing the song to play so many times. I made a vow to myself every time I heard it, to turn the station if on the radio and of course, to never play the CD again. However, I could never actually throw the CD out. Even though I had gone digital long ago, I chose to retain afew CD's, knowing I would never pay for the songs again but unwilling to part with the music itself. Everytime I whittled down my CD collection, I hung onto that one. Like old love letters or pictures, it had a special place in my heart.

Now as most parents do, we try now and again to get our kids to listen to some decent old school music that we grew up with. I especially love this when my 14 year old comes to me to tell me about a "NEW SONG" I just have to hear, that in fact is a remake or sampled and turned into a rap song. As he gets older it's been very fun just to be right about music every once in a while. Well in his search for some "new" old music, he went through my CD's. A few hours later he came rushing in my room. "MOM, You have to hear this awesome song". As he said it, I looked at the CD case and my stomach just sorta sank. He proceeded to put it into the drive on my computer and with the click of the mouse a few seconds later, the song was playing. The song shall remain nameless, but hear it was again blaring through my computer speakers. Honestly, I had some mixed emotions. Do I sit and listen to the song ? Do I explain it's personal meaning to me...to my son as it pertained to my divorce from his father? Do I sing along and show him how cool I am that I literally know every word and vocal inflection?

Thirty seconds in, I had my answer. My son was singing along, having already memorized most of the words. He was into it, enjoying the song, into the music. I was doing that thing parents do, pretending not to look at him but using my SuperMOM sideways and eyes in the back of my head vision, I watched him sing and sort of well....emote. In that instant, the song stopped being mine. It stopped being "THAT" song. It was his now. His to enjoy, his to feel, his to fold into his memory and make new impressions with or maybe someday his to heal with. And finally for the first time in a long time, the song itself had again become music to my ears.

Sometimes, Even a fly needs a little respect.

My back hurts and my neck is crimped & cramped. Why?? I decided to chase a fly around my house. He has been here for almost 24 hours. I was certain that with the right amount of speed and trickery I could swat it and kill it. Oh not this fly. This fly had a little something to proove. He was what I call a "street fly". My other fly category is "big fat horse fly". The latter are the bigger slower type that strike me as a little dumb, just off the farm in a country bumpkin sorta way. The kind of fly when I humanize, I feel far superior to (which I realize is slightly pathetic because after all, it's just a fly). The street fly...well he is another story. I picture him being so super fast, because he lives aptly enough...... on the streets. As you know, its a tough world. You can't survive the mean streets if your not quick on your feet. Other flies will take advantage of you. Also, since this fly is a street fly, I picture that he does drugs. In fact, I think he does speed. This is why I can't catch him. Nary a fly swatter nor an old People magazine could manage to do the trick. So I temporarily gave up, figured I would let him fly around and get tired. Well he must have done a hit right before coming over because he was not only not slowing down, he was acting erratic and quite frankly challenging me to a fight. Sitting at the computer, he did not one, not two, but three drive bys. It was sorta like in the movie Top Gun when Maverick decided to buzz the tower without permission. I too spilled my drink when speed fly buzzed my ear on attempt 3. Unlike Maverick, this fly is neither cute nor charming and in no way was I going to tolerate it any longer. I rearmed myself with the swatter and the chase continued. Sadly, I admit, I still could not catch him. In a moment of calm and what I know consider my moment as the Fly Whisperer, I said out loud, "Fly I'm going to open this door, and you are going to leave." Two seconds later....he did. Poof, right out the front door. So why write about this fly? This silly event? Well, it occured to me that sometimes all Gods creatures, big and small, gross & nasty or not.... just need to be given a little respect. As soon as I gave the fly the chance to do what flies naturally do....he flew.

If we all gave each other credit for the things we are capable of instead of assuming the worst, we might get somewhere. If we all took a second longer with each other to do the nicer thing instead of the easier thing, if we valued morals over money, or maybe even just decided to let each other just be ourselves without always thinking our way is a better or more correct way of living, we might learn something along the way. Perhaps the greatest thing we have to over come is our ability to doubt ourselves and criticize internally about what we have done in the past and why we are not further into our own future. When we remove our own restrcitions is when we can ourselves can........FLY. So today I'm going to appreciate me for who I am and enjoy my haves instead of have nots. Buzz Buzz Flitter Flitter Flap.