here's a little story bout beach life turned all upside down.

It's All About Punctuation, People.

You know those "bad mommy' days...the ones we ALL have, except some refuse to admit it. Yeah those.

The following scenario Is Mostly True may or may not be 100% true.

Okay, Okay...full disclosure. 1-10 are highly accurate...But please humor me continue reading through my fantasy. Why? Because it's funny that's why.....sheesh.

Here we go:

A frazzled mom is driving around town doing her daily list of things to do.

1. Drop kid off at school (in clean but what looks like a dirty uniform; see #3 for explanation)

2. Rush back home, because the lunch you reminded him to take, got left on the counter.

Bring to school...run into class....instead of hearing "thank you mom", you get weird look from your kid.

3. Run over to Target to buy new uniform shirts & pants because kid someone... I mean it could have been anyone, left a piece of caramel in his their pocket that ended up melting all over everything you had in the dryer....which just happened to be.....you guessed it...school uniforms.

4. Follow that with a trip to the model toy shop. Purchase and replace a model ship that you just bought last week for $40 because kid left a bunch of tiny plastic pieces on the side of the kitchen table and MOM steps on it and well......of course it's moms fault. He has worked so hard so far, you can't let him not finish.

5. Return a voicemail from a teacher at school. The gist is....kid not doing so great in math.

6. Feel guilty...it's your fault he isn't doing better in math. If you liked it...maybe he would. (*sigh)

7. Go to bookstore. Buy every workbook you can find for his math level. You will prevail. He will get his grade up...you just know it.

8. Look at clock. Feel proud...so much accomplished and it's only noon.

9. Quickly realize what day it is. It's Thursday. THURSDAY??????? As in half day school day Thursday? YUP.

10. Realize as you are racing back to school to pick kid up, why you got the weird look (in #2) from your kid for dropping of his lunch that he didnt need. Laugh at yourself.

So the kid gets into car. Annoyed that I am late because standing in front of the school for 5 minutes after your friends have left "is not cool mom". Kid asks if we can get fast food for lunch. I say no....not thinking much of it. Get asked "WHYYYYYYYYYY"? in only a tone that teenagers can master. Point to the lunch he has in his hand. Listen to all the reasons that this lunch is disgusting (any other day it has all his favorite things...but today...he is sick of it). He's rambling at this point....grasping at straws. Saying anything he can into guilting you into a fast food lunch. You're not really listening until you hear him say " You never do anything FOR ME".That part...you heard! And as the list from above scrolls through your head and you realize every.single.thing.on.it.was. FOR HIM!


Here is where my bad mommy fantasy starts.

Just at that moment.......I drove by this store:

I walk inside, pulling my lil brat behind me. "That's it" I say. "I've had it, I'm trading you in". First thought to self..."WOW"!!!! They even have clothes here to dress your new one in. How convenient.
I start walking towards the sales lady at the counter....already explaining " Hi, I don't have a receipt or anything but I'd like to do an exchange". Internally I'm noticing that there really aren't that many other kids here to exchange with. Well there is that 2 year old little boy but no...that would be like starting all over again, and the terrible 3's is where you had it the worst. There is that 12 year old girl over there....but omg look at her...full on makeup and wait...did she just roll her eyes at me? Okay definately NOT her. I ask the sales lady, "do you have anything in back"? She replies...very cheerfully "No, everything we have is proudly displayed on our racks".
Racks???you think. "What Racks"? you ask. She gives you a quizzical kind of look.
You start a semi intelligent explanation of the day you've had and well you think you're a pretty good mom but (point to son) "he doesn't seem to appreciate it anymore. I was thinking there might be another one here that would appreciate all the things I do for him. Same ageish if you have it"
BLANK STARE.I give back my best HELLLLLLOOOOOOO????? look.

She lobs back an even better HELLLLLLOOOOOOO????? look. "Ma'am", she starts politely, "we are a childrens CLOTHING exchange store. We don't take actual children and trade them between parents". "But your sign" I say...slightly confused. "We get that a lot" she say. "Have a nice day". (as in this conversation is now over). "Is this a receipt thing"? you ask, "because I might be able to scrounge something up that could work". She's not smiling. "HAVE A NICE DAY" (as in you REALLY need to leave the store NOW).

I skulk out of the store. Get in car. Look embarrasingly at my son. "Are you mad at me" I ask? "NO", he says. "I'm relieved actually". I let out a sigh of relief... okay, I think, "he's not mad...I'll deal with my guilt later". We pull into the Jack in the Box. He didn't know I was coming here, but it's the least I can do. We sit down and start eating. I can't help but ask "I was about to trade you in, why aren't you mad at me"? He looks puzzled. "Trade me in??? That's all? I thought you were turning me into a girl. The sign said KID SEX CHANGE". "No" I say, the sign said KIDS EXCHANGE. We laugh hysterically... as is how most of our days go, not like this one.

It's all about the puncuation people.

Because I'm a Mom....and I love you... that's why.

What do you do when yout teenage son want's to cook a pie? Short answer: You let him.

Oh sure, you can start out by trying to give him some advice. Explain what to do, what steps to follow. You can explain the dial on our stove is off center, so when it says 350 it's really only heated to about 275. Or, say something really useful, like "cook it on a baking sheet so it doesn't drip on the oven and start burning so the house smells". Then you see his eyes glaze over and you realize you are taking the "fun" out of it for him. So you stop talking and let him do his thing.

What do you do when the pie turns out looking like this?

Here are my 5 rules:

1. You eat a piece with him, and tell him how great it is.

(You see his face flicker for second...a cross between "thanks mom" and "I know she is lying to me")

2. The next morning you ask him if he would like you to pack him a piece for lunch at school and laugh when he says "I don't think my friends would understand why I was sucking pie through a straw" and you assure him again..."It wasn't that bad".

3. You throw a good size piece of it in the garbage disposal while he is at school. And when he comes home and asks who at it. You say "I did...I'm telling you, you almost nailed it...it really wasn't that bad".

4. It's dinner time, you ask if he would like some pie for dessert. (kinda sarcastic because he is my kid and well....he gets me) and when he says "No, I think we need to throw it away" you say "Okay if that's what you want" You are now relieved , BUT, for good measure you take a finger and taste it front of him one more time. When he says "Ewwww why did you do that"??

You say..."Because...I'm your Mom, I love that you tried....that's why".

oh and 5.???? Before you dump it, you take a picture of the pumpkin pie soup so you can blog about it.

VOGUE...VOGUE...VOGUE!

Yesterday, I got an email from Vogue Magazine. They wanted to let me know that the latest fashions from Milan were now AVAILABLE.( Like I could afford ANYTHING that VOGUE ever mentions) I cringed and smirked at the same time.

IF Anna Wintour only knew, I thought. If she knew I was basically an insecure beach girl rocking flip flops on my feet no matter the weather or what I wore above it, she would surely cancel my prepaid, coupon discounted, subscription herself.

But Anna doesn't know me....and today "SHE" sent me another email. About Prada and Max Mara and the designers insecurities about exploring a womans sweetness and obvious insecurities. ( I guess the yellow and turquoise dress is an example of sweetness& insecurity)

OK Anna. OK Prada. OK Max or is it Mara? Explore me, the basic So Cal beach mom who prefers comfort over design. Ohhh and after you get done...can you let me know how it works out for me?

Home School Transition

For the last 3 years, I have been home schooling my son. (I know) But honestly, there are more benefits to it than you might think. The downside.... you are with your kid 24 hours a day, oops did I say that out loud? I meant.... you aren't sure if you are doing the "right" thing by typical society standards. This year, my son who is 16, and I decided that this year he would reintegrate back into the "NORM". By norm I mean he needs to socialize on a more regular basis with kids his age AND I need a few school dance pics to post on Facebook or Google...or ....whatever the new thing ends up being.
Today, I sent my son off to a new school. One that was too far to walk to, so knowing he needed to "grow up" I made him take the bus. The city bus.

All. By. Himself.

My son has never taken a bus by himself before. I was terrified.


I realized 20 minutes before my son had to leave this morning, that he in fact had no ID on him. Though 16, he has no drivers license. With the conversion from home school to brick and mortar high school, we have had, well ummmmm, lets just call it a few snags.
OVERPROTECTIVE mom that I am................. I FREAKED.

What if my son was crossing a street and got hit by a car? Or worse a truck? How would the police and paramedics know who to call? How would they know "MY" son was extra special like as in Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Toooooooooooo meeeeeeee!!!!!
?????
They wouldn't!!!


So I wrote this note and forced him to carry it on his person. You know....Just...In...ca ca ca Case. Name ✓ . Phone number ✓ Mommys name ✓ .

I probably did not need to do the hand drawing of him( as in this actual real pic I took of the forbidden note). In his plaid shirt. With spiky hair. And a smile.

But seriously...can you blame me?

Alright...Okay...OK...you got me. I need to blog this stuff.

I am a "Facebooker" and by that I mean, I pretty much detail my life in the 500 characters it allows for me to explain the random events occurring on a day to day basics of my life. Every once in a while I say something funny. So my friends, my pals, my buds all say...you should have a blog. Well, I have a blog. It is Meals Steals & Family Deals @ OC Family . But it's not humorous, except for my grammer, lack of proper sentence construction and punctuation. It is a very useful ( if I do say so myself...and um yes...I do, coupon and savings blog. Other than that, I have this old thing A Simple Kind Of Life...which I set out on 3 years ago but have not done much with. Consider this post my newest maiden voyage. Welcome Aboard!

Coupons May 5, 2011