It's All About Punctuation, People.

You know those "bad mommy' days...the ones we ALL have, except some refuse to admit it. Yeah those.

The following scenario Is Mostly True may or may not be 100% true.

Okay, Okay...full disclosure. 1-10 are highly accurate...But please humor me continue reading through my fantasy. Why? Because it's funny that's why.....sheesh.

Here we go:

A frazzled mom is driving around town doing her daily list of things to do.

1. Drop kid off at school (in clean but what looks like a dirty uniform; see #3 for explanation)

2. Rush back home, because the lunch you reminded him to take, got left on the counter.

Bring to school...run into class....instead of hearing "thank you mom", you get weird look from your kid.

3. Run over to Target to buy new uniform shirts & pants because kid someone... I mean it could have been anyone, left a piece of caramel in his their pocket that ended up melting all over everything you had in the dryer....which just happened to be.....you guessed it...school uniforms.

4. Follow that with a trip to the model toy shop. Purchase and replace a model ship that you just bought last week for $40 because kid left a bunch of tiny plastic pieces on the side of the kitchen table and MOM steps on it and well......of course it's moms fault. He has worked so hard so far, you can't let him not finish.

5. Return a voicemail from a teacher at school. The gist is....kid not doing so great in math.

6. Feel guilty...it's your fault he isn't doing better in math. If you liked it...maybe he would. (*sigh)

7. Go to bookstore. Buy every workbook you can find for his math level. You will prevail. He will get his grade up...you just know it.

8. Look at clock. Feel proud...so much accomplished and it's only noon.

9. Quickly realize what day it is. It's Thursday. THURSDAY??????? As in half day school day Thursday? YUP.

10. Realize as you are racing back to school to pick kid up, why you got the weird look (in #2) from your kid for dropping of his lunch that he didnt need. Laugh at yourself.

So the kid gets into car. Annoyed that I am late because standing in front of the school for 5 minutes after your friends have left "is not cool mom". Kid asks if we can get fast food for lunch. I say no....not thinking much of it. Get asked "WHYYYYYYYYYY"? in only a tone that teenagers can master. Point to the lunch he has in his hand. Listen to all the reasons that this lunch is disgusting (any other day it has all his favorite things...but today...he is sick of it). He's rambling at this point....grasping at straws. Saying anything he can into guilting you into a fast food lunch. You're not really listening until you hear him say " You never do anything FOR ME".That part...you heard! And as the list from above scrolls through your head and you realize every.single.thing.on.it.was. FOR HIM!


Here is where my bad mommy fantasy starts.

Just at that moment.......I drove by this store:

I walk inside, pulling my lil brat behind me. "That's it" I say. "I've had it, I'm trading you in". First thought to self..."WOW"!!!! They even have clothes here to dress your new one in. How convenient.
I start walking towards the sales lady at the counter....already explaining " Hi, I don't have a receipt or anything but I'd like to do an exchange". Internally I'm noticing that there really aren't that many other kids here to exchange with. Well there is that 2 year old little boy but no...that would be like starting all over again, and the terrible 3's is where you had it the worst. There is that 12 year old girl over there....but omg look at her...full on makeup and wait...did she just roll her eyes at me? Okay definately NOT her. I ask the sales lady, "do you have anything in back"? She replies...very cheerfully "No, everything we have is proudly displayed on our racks".
Racks???you think. "What Racks"? you ask. She gives you a quizzical kind of look.
You start a semi intelligent explanation of the day you've had and well you think you're a pretty good mom but (point to son) "he doesn't seem to appreciate it anymore. I was thinking there might be another one here that would appreciate all the things I do for him. Same ageish if you have it"
BLANK STARE.I give back my best HELLLLLLOOOOOOO????? look.

She lobs back an even better HELLLLLLOOOOOOO????? look. "Ma'am", she starts politely, "we are a childrens CLOTHING exchange store. We don't take actual children and trade them between parents". "But your sign" I say...slightly confused. "We get that a lot" she say. "Have a nice day". (as in this conversation is now over). "Is this a receipt thing"? you ask, "because I might be able to scrounge something up that could work". She's not smiling. "HAVE A NICE DAY" (as in you REALLY need to leave the store NOW).

I skulk out of the store. Get in car. Look embarrasingly at my son. "Are you mad at me" I ask? "NO", he says. "I'm relieved actually". I let out a sigh of relief... okay, I think, "he's not mad...I'll deal with my guilt later". We pull into the Jack in the Box. He didn't know I was coming here, but it's the least I can do. We sit down and start eating. I can't help but ask "I was about to trade you in, why aren't you mad at me"? He looks puzzled. "Trade me in??? That's all? I thought you were turning me into a girl. The sign said KID SEX CHANGE". "No" I say, the sign said KIDS EXCHANGE. We laugh hysterically... as is how most of our days go, not like this one.

It's all about the puncuation people.