Because Being A Mom Isn't Enough...I'm a bank Robber

Ever since Chase took over Wamu I have felt totally inferior. I use WAMU to cash my child support checks. I go in person rather than my own bank two times every month for various reasons. Mostly because in the last 7-8 years, funds from my ex haven't always been available ( bounce bounce bounce) and rather than mess up my personal banking account, I would rather cash them out right. Truth be told I really don't have to explain this to anyone, least of all the bank. My first visit to WAMU after the Chase take over they asked for me two forms of ID ( Drivers license and Credit card) and my Social Security number. I admit, I flinched a little being that I have been told you really should never give out your SSN for any reason except when actually applying for credit or social security. I am, however, a realist and knew that debating this with the teller was just going to delay me. My second visit after the take over, now that they had my SSN, they asked for my maiden name. I told the teller I felt this was a little odd being that I was merely cashing a check, not actually applying for any account. She replied "Yeah, just new policy now that we are with Chase." Okay...I get it, I'm not trying to make anyones job more difficult. Over the following months I have been asked my drivers licence #, my birthday ( even though my ID was in front of them) my mothers maiden name and other various personal questions. It seems like no matter how much or how personal the information is, it's just not quite good enough. I have grown ever more aggitated with every passing encounter. I mean what's next my medical records? Does Chase want my last gynocologist name and appointment date in order to cash my check? So today the teller asked me the same question as a different teller asked me last time. "What is your occupation"? I took a breath and said " The teller asked me this last time". " I don't work, I'm just a mom". And because being a mom isn't enough the snotty obviously childless teller told me this " You know that until you give us your REAL occupation, we are going to ask you the same question everytime." OK thats it...I had enough at that point. Fully knowing I was going to stir up some shit and actually looking forward to it at that point I asked for a manager. So the teller in her 20 something mode of "OMG this lady is such a bitch" mode including the obligatory 20 something eye roll, went to find her manager. I stood at her counter for first 3, look at cell phone now 5 and then finally a little over 7 minutes before she came back. All the while in my pissed off state of mind these were the occupations I decided I was going to tell the manager I held in order to just cash the stupid check. At first, I was going to get creative with the truth , then of course being me .....only sarasm appeared.

#1 I'm a homeschooling mom....(does that count since it takes up all my living and breathing hours?)

#2 I'm a Couponista ( those that know me might not even dispute this)

#3 I'm a secret shopper that gives bank employees secret reviews. (that came to fast and easy must think of others)

#4. "I'm a princess." ( didn't my diamond tiara give me away?)

#5. " I'm a robot. " ( said in of course my best computer voice) followed by 'domo orogato" once I had my hands on the money.

#6 "I'm a bomb sniffing dog." followed by "Do you have any scooby snacks?"

#7 by now I was more than irritated # 3 "I'm a prostitute and your husband was excellent last night".

# 8 "I'm a bathing suit model" ( this is truly funny in person as once you see me in person I'd like to see her or anyone else process this information)

#9. Quoting my favorite line from Goldie Hawn in the movie Overboard...."I'm a short, fat slut"

And finally

#10 with visions of Thelma and Louise running through my brain as I neared the 7 to 8 minute mark I decided I would fully say :

"I'm a bank robber" ( I actually pictured myself in the mask, black outfit, and waving a gun around all willy nilly like I know I would if actually holding a gun and robbing a bank ) . I was kinda looking forward to the looks on their faces when my fantasy was interrupted.

Well well well....... wouldn't you know that when she came back after speaking with her manager( other 20 something agreeing what a bitch some people are), she just found out that the policy had just just changed YESTERDAY (imagine that). They dont really need to know all those personal facts after all.

Oh and they are "Sorry" and "Would I like to open an account with them directly"?. Hmmmm Megan? Mehgan? Meagan? Is that your name? What do you think ?