This should be read to the tune of The Thompson Twins "lies"
Alright I've been debating posting this but I finally have confirmation from friends that we all at some point lie to our children.
We all start with The Santa/ Easter Bunny/ Tooth Fairy lie. It graduates to the "you better brush your teeth or the bugs will eat them" lie . Then as soon as we start guilting them into eating foods they don't like.....it happens.
Also I am of the firm belief that the people that tell you its not okay to lie or fib to your children are the same idiots, oops, I mean caring parents, who tell you "it doesn't hurt a bit" to have a baby. If it didn't hurt for you, well done, you probably shouldn't lie to your kids. As for me I've earned it.
Here are my whoppers: All told to my son age 10 or under
1. No we can't go to Toys R Us just because you got a gift card today. They require appointments just like the dentist. We'll go another day when they have enough people working the registers okay honey? ( does that count as a lie since Toys R us lines are worse than Targets on a Saturday?)
2. "We can't go to the park today, they are mowing the grass". His response even at 4 , "Can we goes to anudder park mommy? My double lie..."no they mow all the different parks grass on the same day baby." Worked every time.
3. "The beach is closed, they are reorganizing the lifeguard towers after someone moved them all over the place." (Actually I probably could have just checked the local water report and now had to lie at all the water here in Long Beach are kinda rank)
4. "It's against the law to buy candy with the money the tooth fairy left you." If she finds out, she doesn't come again. ( BTW my son has never had a single cavity) oh and the sound you now hear is me patting myself on the back LOL
5. Around age 8, he figured out that birdies weren't actually flying home to me throughout the day to tell me things he had done at school that I wouldn't approve of. This one is HIS fault... It only came about when I got a call from the teacher telling me he wouldn't line up like everyone else to come back to class. Instead, he would stay on the playground, doing what else.... influencing others to stay with him and play. He believed for many years since I always seemed to know what he had done wrong that day.
5. "You have to wear the outfit that the Easter Bunny/ Santa left you. Yes the one with the tie and jacket or yes the itchy sweater or EB's/ Santas feelings will be hurt". ( Age 2-5)
5a No you can't wear that tie that the Easter Bunny/ Santa left you out in public or to school anymore or the mean kids will kick you. (Age 2-5 after he became obsessed with people on holidays telling him how handsome he looked in a tie)
6. "Your nose flares when you lie to me. I can tell every time". His nostrils don't really flare. Now every time I even have the slightest idea he might be trying to fib , he interjects with " did my nose just flare? Yes Landon, it did....it soooooo did. Busted.
8. All you freckles are kisses from angels in heaven so relax, alot of people up there love you and are looking out for you. ( one of my sweeter harmless lies)
9 and finally my last April fools joke which has now cemented the fact that my son will never believe anything else I say ever again. I sent a letter from his home school academy, telling him was near expulsion, not because his grades (which are all A's & B's) but because he makes his learning coach, Ahem his mother, do to much of his work and papers for him and they could tell. I actually let him off the hook on that one after several hours of watching him panic and it was April Fools after all.
Im not all bad. I've hung every piece of artwork up on the fridge. I've had 45+ kid birthday parties for him and I have laughed at every terrible, unfunny made up knock knock joke he has ever come up with as if it is the funniest thing I've ever heard.
The truth is, now that he is 14, I really regret some of those lies. At the time I never realized that now I'd wish maybe I spent day 1001 at the park instead of just 1000. They grow up really fast. I've since fessed up to my son and we had some good laughs about it. He wasn't even mad. His only question around age 10 with a sad little look was "So that was you all those years taking the bite out of the cookies we left for Santa?" awwww
Hey wait thats only 9.... I think all moms are entitled to 10. Stay tuned.
Now you have to go to and read my friend blog who writes for the OC register. She has been doing it way longer is a lot funnier and is quite witty. Someday when my blog grows up it wants to be just like hers. She recently posted an other funny story on TheMom Blog about this here :
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